The Day I Lost My Sister, Nicole Brown Simpson

In my life, I have had many more happy events than sad. But, June 12, 1994, changed my life forever. It was the day I found out my sister, Nicole Brown Simpson, was murdered.

It is now 18 years later, and life still is not the same without her. I have learned to live life without her, but the pain is still there.The disbelief that this actually happened is still so surreal.

Immediately after her murder, my family was under a spotlight and everyone began to have expectations of us. The public had expectations. We were expected to put our happy faces on and be strong, and face this tragedy head on. The lawyers had expectations. They told us what to wear and say; when to speak, and when to be quiet. The press had expectations. They were always waiting to get their next big story. The thing that was the worst was that our privacy was gone; a thing of the past. 

Our home that had always been free from chaos was no longer a safe place. Our lives were under a microscope. Every aspect of our lives was under a microscope. Microphones were stuck in our faces asking: “How are you?” "FINE!," I'd say. "How is it going in the trial?” “Fine!,” I'd say again. 

I became the “… Fine Girl.”

HARDLY anything was fine.

Because of the notoriety of the case, it became difficult for me to go through a normal grieving process. I stuffed my emotions, remained quiet, and believed that everything was fine.

When you are living a life where everything is FINE all the time, eventually reality will do a check in with you. It did with me. I found myself in a psych ward 10 years after her murder for 10 days, and an outpatient program for more than two months. Had I acknowledged my pain in June 1994, perhaps that would not have happened, who knows? What I know is that an important thing in life is to live it as authentically as possible. Live it in truth. When you have the pressure to be FINE all the time when things really are not, problems can arise; depression, anxiety, increased stress and false expectations all can affect you. Make sure you are aware of your feelings, emotions, moods, physiological symptoms. At some point you need to try to tap into some self courage and get the help you need.

Listen to your inner self. I did. I did. I chose to ACCEPT the professional help that I needed. I finally took ACTION and RESPONSIBILITY for my life. I encourage you to do the same. DO NOT WAIT!

I am focusing my energy and efforts on mental health by helping others like you to help themselves so they can live a life of optimal mental health and well being. Remember the oxygen mask on the airplane? 

Please place your mask on first before assisting others. Why? Because without it,
you will be no good to others.

It is time to start putting yourself first. It is OK to be selfish as long as we are not hurting others. I encourage you, from this day on, to integrate YOU into your day.